[Corny]
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code baltimore eventorium
For the first time ever on nationwide television
It's the Corny Collins spectacular

[Council girls]
He's Corny!

[Corny]
Brought to you by ultra clutch hairspray!

[Corny (& ensemble)]
What gives a girl
Power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise?
No, it's hairspray!

What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone
With the wind

But if you spray it and lock it
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place

Why take a chance
When you get up and dance
If you twist, I insist
You use hairspray

And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With ultra-clutch faithfully

So if you're a redhead
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray

[Corny]
That's me!

[Ensemble]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

[Corny]
Forget the milkman
The only thing better than hairspray

[Ensemble]
Hairspray! Wow!

[Corny]
That's me!

[Corny & ensemble]
What makes a man
Reach out and touch?
Ultra clutch!

[Corny & ensemble]
So if you're a redhead
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get

[Corny]
The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

[Ensemble]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

[Council girls]
He's corny collins!

[Corny]
The only thing better than hairspray

[Ensemble]
Hairspray! Wow!

[Corny]
That's me!

[Ensemble]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah!
Do wow!

[Corny]
Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!

[Brenda]
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!